Loneliness as a Parent: Finding Meaning When You Feel Alone -

Parenthood is often portrayed as full of joy, connection, and purpose. In many ways it can be all of those things. But it can also be lonely—more than many expect. Many parents report isolation, emotional exhaustion, and the sense that they are doing it all, yet still disconnected. If you are a parent feeling lonely, this article is for you: we’ll explore what research tells us, what existential thinkers like Viktor Frankl and Alfried Längle offer, and practical paths toward recovering connection and meaning.

What the Research Says: Loneliness Among Parents

Multiple studies indicate that loneliness in parenthood is widespread and has serious effects:

A scoping review of studies involving parents with children under age 16 found that around one‑third of parents experience chronic loneliness. The review also showed variance: certain groups (teen parents, parents of children with disabilities, single parents) report higher loneliness. PubMed
In a survey by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, about 66% of parents sometimes or frequently felt isolated and lonely due to parenting demands; 62% reported feeling burned out. nursing.osu.edu
Parents of children with special needs report significantly lower perceived social support and higher levels of loneliness; loneliness mediates the negative effects of low social support on family resilience. MDPI
Among older parents (65+), low parental self‑efficacy (feeling less confident about one’s role as a parent) is associated with greater loneliness, particularly when combined with worries about death or loss. PubMed
Qualitative studies of parents who regret having children (in Sweden) found that loneliness is intertwined with shame, guilt, and social taboo. Many parents feel they cannot speak openly about certain difficult emotions, which deepens the isolation. SpringerLink

These findings show a few patterns:

Loneliness is not just about physical isolation: many parents feel lonely even when surrounded by children or family.
Social support is protective, but often parents lack adequate support.
Psychological costs include burnout, depression, and reduced well‑being.
Some forms of loneliness are heightened in specific situations—e.g. parenting a child with special needs, being single, or in older age with “empty nest” transitions.

What Loneliness Feels Like in Parenting

From both research and first‑hand accounts, loneliness as a parent often includes:

The pressure and invisibility of daily caregiving (feedings, diaper changes, school runs), where emotional needs go unmet.
A sense of loss of self: who you used to be seems far away.
Feeling judged or unable to share honestly about difficulties (e.g. shame, regret, exhaustion).
A mismatch between internal expectations (“I should enjoy this, I should feel connected”) and lived experience.
A kind of existential loneliness—a gap between one’s inner life (hopes, dreams, values) and daily reality.

Existential & Logotherapeutic Perspectives

Here’s where exploring meaning and purpose can help—not as cliches, but as tools to address loneliness deeply.

Viktor Frankl and Logotherapy

Frankl held that the primary human drive is meaning. When one loses or can’t access meaning, suffering increases. Parenthood, joyful though it can be, may also bring suffering—loss of personal autonomy, identity confusion, fatigue. But meaning can still be found: through parenting, through love, through how one chooses to respond to limitations.
Key idea: freedom of response. Even under heavy constraints, we have the capacity to choose how we interpret our situation, where we invest our attention, and how we act in light of what we believe matters.

Alfried Längle and Existential Analysis

Längle’s four fundamental existential motivations are especially useful in understanding parental loneliness, and guiding a path out of it:

“I am” — Can one maintain a sense of being, of dignity, of basic self‑worth, even when sleep deprived, overwhelmed, or feeling unseen?
“I am alive” — Often parents feel less “alive” due to relentless routines. But even small moments (laughing with a child, watching them discover something) can reconnect with feeling alive.
“I am myself” — Parenthood involves roles, masks, expectations. Finding space to be authentically you (your personality, your hopes, your values) inside the parent role is vital.
“I am in the world” — What is your contribution beyond chores and deadlines? How does parenting align with what matters most to you?

These layers can help you locate where loneliness is hitting you most: is it identity (I am myself), or contribution / purpose (I am in the world)?

Common Questions Parents Ask

Here are some of the things parents often want to know—questions that arise from the heart of loneliness in parenthood:

“How do I stop feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere now that life is so different?”
(See also I Don’t Fit in Anywhere).
“How can I overcome loneliness when I’m always busy caring for others but never feel seen?”
“What do I do when the parent role feels emotionally draining rather than fulfilling?”
“How can I build purpose in midlife when parenthood has shifted and things feel less meaningful?”
(See Purpose in Midlife).
“How can I live a purposeful life even when daily routines feel repetitive and isolating?”
(See Living a Purposeful Life).

These questions are natural and important. They point toward a need for reflection, support, and perhaps reframing what meaning and connection look like.

Practical Tools for Parents to Address Loneliness

Combining empirical findings with existential/logotherapeutic methods, here are practical steps you can take (or share with others) to reduce loneliness and reclaim connection and purpose.

1. Identify the Type(s) of Loneliness You’re Experiencing

Is it social (few friends, little adult conversation)? Emotional (feeling that no one understands)? Existential (feeling disconnected from what matters)? Naming these makes them more manageable.

2. Reflect on Core Values & Meaning in Parenthood

What were your hopes for being a parent?
Which moments (big or small) have felt most rewarding?
Which of your personal values (compassion, patience, creativity, growth, love) are still alive today and which are being squeezed out?

Existential reflection prompts help here: When have I felt most alive as a parent? What would I like my parenting to say about who I am?

3. Create Small Rituals or Anchors

Even micro‑rituals grounded in personal meaning can anchor and counteract loneliness:

A morning or bedtime ritual where you read, reflect, or simply breathe.
A weekly check‑in with a friend or other parent where you share not just tasks but inner life.
Engaging in a hobby, creative work, or service that isn’t child‑oriented but feeds the self.

4. Seek & Build Social Support

Parent support groups—online or local—especially helpful when caring for a child with special needs (where research shows loneliness is especially high). MDPI
Shared reflection: honest conversations with partner, family, or trusted friends about what you are really feeling.
Professional support: counseling or therapy, possibly with existential or meaning‑oriented practitioners.

5. Reframe Some of the Stories

Often loneliness comes from internal narratives—“I should be handling this,” “I’m failing,” “Everyone else seems to enjoy this more.” Reframe these by:

Recognising the legitimacy of struggle.
Seeing caretaking itself as meaningful work, even when unseen.
Remembering Frankl’s idea that even in suffering, meaning can be found in how you respond.

6. Use Tools / Structured Exercises

If helpful, guided exercises (journaling, values work, logotherapy‑type meaning exploration) can help you reconnect with purpose. Our Quest for Meaning Ebook has 10 exercises designed to help with exactly these themes.

Putting it Together: A Case Sketch

To make this more concrete, here’s how the journey might look for a parent feeling lonely.

Anna is a mother of two young children. She loves them deeply, but most days she feels overwhelmed, unseen, and disconnected. She’s no longer sleeping well, social plans have dropped off, and what she once thought of as fulfilling in parenting (e.g. teaching, creative play) has begun to feel repetitive.

Recognising: She notices she’s feeling empty more than joyful. She identifies that the loneliness is emotional (rare moments of deep connection) more than social (she has people around).
Reflection: Using existential prompts, she remembers that she values teaching, nurturing curiosity. She realizes she doesn’t want to lose those parts of herself.
Small Changes: She starts planting a garden with her children (something that fuses her love of nature, beauty, nurturing). She also joins a parent‑sharing group so she can connect with others about the real challenges (not just the polished Instagram version).
Support: She brings up with her partner how she’s feeling—tastefully but honestly—and they carve out time to talk each week. She also books sessions with a therapist familiar with meaning‑focused work.

Over time, although motherhood is still demanding, Anna feels less isolated. Her sense of “I am alive” and “I am myself” shifts: she begins to reclaim parts of herself outside of being Mum. She starts to weave her values back into daily life.

Where Loneliness & Parenthood Intersect with Other Lifelong Longings

It’s helpful to see how parenting loneliness can be connected to broader themes:

For some parents, midlife questions arise alongside parenting challenges: “What about my life’s purpose beyond parenthood?” If you’re navigating this, you might find Purpose in Midlife helpful.
If you feel that you no longer fit in socially or spiritually, the feeling “I don’t fit in anywhere” is more common than you might think; reflection and meaning work can help you reestablish belonging. See the piece on I Don’t Fit in Anywhere.
If living intentionally matters to you, but you’ve lost your sense of what that could look like in your day‑to‑day, check out Living a Purposeful Life.

And when you want structured tools for reflection, connection, and purpose, the Quest for Meaning Ebook offers guided exercises aimed exactly at these interweaving challenges.

Key Takeaways & Action Steps

Takeaways:

Loneliness as a parent is real, common, and complex. It’s not a sign of failure but a signal.
Research shows that social support, perceived value, parental self‑efficacy, and connection matter greatly.
Existential frameworks (Frankl, Längle) help by giving vocabulary and pathways for meaning, freedom, and authenticity—especially when external circumstances are difficult.

Action Steps You Can Try Now:

Pause and write down: What is my core value as a parent? When did I last feel connected and alive in parenting?
Share honestly: pick someone safe and share how you’re feeling (not just “fine”).
Carve out time for something that reminds you who you are, not just who you’re parenting.
Seek group connection: parent groups, shared playdates, local faith or community centres.
Consider therapy or coaching with someone who values meaning and purpose.

References

Nowland, R., Thomson, G., McNally, L., Smith, T., & Whittaker, K. (2021). Experiencing loneliness in parenthood: a scoping review. SAGE. SAGE Journals+1
The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. (2024). Survey: Parents feel isolation, loneliness, and burnout from demands of parenthood. nursing.osu.edu
Brown, F., & co‑researchers. (2022). The Weight of Loneliness: Family Resilience and Social Support Among Parents of Children with and Without Special Needs. MDPI. MDPI
Elder, J., & co‑authors. (2023). Loneliness Among Parents in Sweden Who Regret Having Children. Journal of Child and Family Studies. SpringerLink
Older adults parent self‑efficacy study: Death anxiety and loneliness among older parents over 65. PubMed