As I study, there are moments when the equations feel impossible—like I’m staring at a wall of numbers and symbols that simply refuse to make sense. It can feel overwhelming, as if the logic is just out of reach. In those moments, a quiet question echoes in my mind: Am I really cut out for this?
It’s a feeling many of us experience—the uncertainty of whether we truly belong in the world of numbers, theorems, and abstract ideas. The storm clouds of anxiety roll in, and with them, doubts about whether we have the space, the ability, and the support to thrive. It’s tempting to compare ourselves to our fellow travellers—those who seem to be racing ahead with ease. But comparison only adds weight to the backpack we’re already carrying.
And yet, within this mountain journey, I’m learning to see things differently.
When I feel lost in the fog of confusion, I can pause and look up to the stars—my values—those quiet but steady lights that guide me forward. The storm clouds may gather, but they always pass. I remember that the mountain isn’t a race; it’s a path I’m walking at my own pace. The most meaningful step is the one I take now, right in front of me.
Existential analysis has helped me see that I’m not just wrestling with maths—I’m on a deeper journey of discovering who I am, what I value, and how I want to move through the world. This isn’t just about solving equations; it’s about staying grounded in the landscape of reality, carrying what matters most in my backpack, and walking forward with purpose. With each step, I choose to move in alignment with my values—guided by my stars, even when the path isn’t clear.
When I reconnect with why I chose this course, it becomes clearer. A deeper understanding of maths can empower me in everyday life. It can help me make informed financial decisions, understand tax and savings, and build a stable future—not just for myself, but to support those I love. In that sense, learning mathematics is more than an academic goal—it’s a values-driven step toward the kind of life I want to create.
In that, there is strength. In that, there is meaning. And in that, I belong.
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1. Existence: The Struggle to Belong
I may not have all the answers to my mathematical questions, but I do know one thing: I exist. I am here, and I have every right to be. My struggles in this field—whether I’m feeling lost in the complexities of calculus or doubting my own ability—are just a part of my existence. This realization helps me understand that I’m not alone in my fears. Everyone faces the question of whether they truly belong. In finding acceptance—whether from peers, mentors, or even my own understanding—I can take comfort in knowing that being here, struggling or succeeding, is enough. The equation of my existence doesn’t need to be solved immediately. It’s about finding space, protection, and support. Anxiety may arise, but I can manage it because I know I am entitled to be here.
2. Life: The Value of Being Alive
As I wrestle with mathematical concepts, I often forget the simple joy of being alive. I become so absorbed in the “problem” in front of me, that I neglect to feel my emotions and recognize their value. But when I step back and think about it, I realize something vital: I’m here, and that’s worth celebrating.
Existential analysis helps me reconnect with the idea that life, in all its complexity and frustration, has intrinsic value. I may not always love the challenges I face in my studies, but my ability to experience them—my ability to feel frustrated, elated, defeated, or inspired—is proof that I’m alive. It’s not just about solving the problem in front of me, but about appreciating the journey, even when it feels overwhelming. Emotions, after all, are the markers that prove I am experiencing life in all its richness.
3. Self: The Freedom to Be Me
There are moments when I feel like an imposter in my own life. Am I allowed to be myself in this intellectual space? Can I show up authentically, even when I feel like I don’t fit the mold? Existential analysis brings to light the importance of being true to myself. It’s easy to get lost in comparison, to wonder if I’m measuring up to the expectations others have for me. But the core question of “Who am I?” is powerful: I have the right to be me.
I realize that the pressure to conform—to fit into a rigid academic or intellectual image—doesn’t have to define me. As I embrace my unique way of approaching problems, I begin to free myself from self-doubt. I don’t have to look like the ideal mathematician; I just need to be the best version of myself. And that is enough.
4. Meaning: Finding Purpose in the Struggle
At the heart of it all, though, is the most profound question: Why am I doing this? Why do I keep pushing through the struggles, the sleepless nights, the countless equations that never seem to resolve? Existential analysis teaches me that I don’t have to know the ultimate answer right away. What I need is to find purpose in the process.
Even when the results of my hard work are not immediately clear, I know there’s meaning in the effort. Maybe it’s not about solving the problems perfectly every time. Maybe it’s about developing resilience, learning to embrace discomfort, and finding ways to grow in the face of challenges. I may not always see the grand picture, but each small piece—each solved equation, each moment of clarity—is part of a greater whole.
So, as I sit here, once again lost in an intricate math problem, I remind myself: I can. I am allowed to be here. I am alive. I am free to be myself. And my struggles, no matter how tough they seem, have purpose. Each step I take in this journey is meaningful, even if I can’t see it yet. The existential motivation to keep going, to answer the fundamental questions of existence, is now my driving force.